I would like to share my grandmother's story and how she inspired me.
I want to dedicate my 1st blog to my Dida, who was my 1st love, my dearest friend and my partner in crime. She raised 5 strong daughters, 1 of whom is my mother. Hailing from a small village , Sonahatu, she was married at the tender age of 11. My Grandparents lived in Ranchi, where Dadu was employed with National Vaccination Institute. She must have started her journey of marriage as a demure wife, but she went on to become the strong willed , leader of our family , as we know her. She had the same circumstances and the same means as any simple woman from limited means had, but she had a fire in her, that few women even in our modern day society have - the will to get her daughters educated. She was not devoid of patriarchy posing shackles around her. But what she could achieve, was because of this beautiful partnership , with her husband, my Dadu. These two lovebirds give every member in our family relationship goals. My Dadu was a simple man, a hopeless romantic, in love with his pretty wife. He was hardworking, intelligent and honest. But he did not have the direction needed to carry the burden of having 5 daughters. Had it not been for my Dida's insistence on education, my mother and her sisters would never have been what they are today, - independant, successful, working women. She insisted, my grandfather obliged, and thus instead of saving money for dowry, his meagre income was spent on education of his daughters- what their neighbours used to call as 'wasted money'. A common question that was often posed to him was - " itna kyun padha rahe hain Rakshit babu, collector banana hai kya? Ladkiyan hain , zyada padhaoge, shaadi nahi hogi. " Education is the building block to the ability to take control of one's life. Education can open doors for limitless possibilities , and it was my mother's education that differentiated my fate. So how does one raise 5 daughters in 1950s? Dida's typical day started at 4am. She was the household's alarm clock. She woke everyone up and got the chores started. There was not much money in the household, so atta could be afforded only for one meal per day. Rice and Chickpeas were in abundance because this came from our village farms. She used to ground rice every morning on Sil batta and make rice chillas for family's breakfast . This is what my mom and her sisters would eat before walking 2 miles to catch the morning 6am bus, that would take them to the only good government school of those times. No wonder when Mom passed matriculation with 1st Division Distinction marks, offers for her hand in marriage started pouring in. And so did suggestions from her teachers to put her into college. I am glad my grandparents chose the latter, for my mother graduated with Economics Honors from Women's college, and secured a position with SBI. To have a family member in bank was very prestigious in those times, but one can only wonder the awe at having a daughter in banking sector. I think all these achievements strengthened Dida's will to continue to strive for excellence for her family. She went back to our village every harvest season, lent a hand with the harvest, shipped a share to all relatives, stocked a share for her own family's use, and sold the excess produce, handling all related accounts that needed to be settled with the Bhagidaar. This way, she made sure that Dadu could focus on his job and she could add what she could, to the household income. I think the most remarkable impact that she has made in who I am today, is by giving me a platform of equality. She was completely unbiased about gender roles when it came to her grandchildren. Equality, as she taught me, does not mean that each of us have to be equally good at all roles. Equality is the freedom to be able to take up any role I want to. She herself was a homemaker, but that did not stop her from having a say in her daughters' future. The right to choose, the right to live without having to take permission, the right to have your wishes and decisions respected, is what equality means. My grandparents set a beautiful example of how, mutual respect for what each one can bring to the table, contributed to the upliftment of the entire household. Having seen them, all us cousins know that this would not have been possible , had both partners not striven for equality. In a man's world, what a man thinks, is important. Its true, women have to break the glass ceiling and stand for herself, but if the men support, if they understand, it would matter. Patriarchy is not created by men alone, it is a mindset created by the society, both man and woman. Therefore, equality can also be brought when all members of the society start to measure the other gender not as a man or a woman, but as a person, having certain attributes, having strengths and limitations, and thoughts and wishes of their own. Dida helped me understand this at a very early age, and maybe that is why, I have never felt like a damsel in distress. Our destiny is in our own hands, and success is always absolute, its never relative. The spirit to take lemons from life and make it into lemonade was instilled in me from a very young age, all thanks to Dida. When she passed away on 29th September, she left behind a lacunae and a legacy, some very big shoes to fill...! She was remarkable. She was beautiful. She was headstrong. She was uncompromising. She was hardworking. She was inspirational. I have loved her the way she taught me to - her memory makes me only stronger everyday. It is women like her who have led by example. It is women like her who show how complete life can be, that we do not need to compromise. I salute such women. I hope I am able to become like her.
Comments